Afraid

When I was 12 years old I attended a week long church camp. It was lots of fun and I made friends, but I also gained spiritual insight and strength from the classes and activites they had planned for us. The theme of the camp was "A Season for Courage" based off of President Hinckley's message, specifically the following quote:

"Now, my brethren and sisters, the time has come for us to stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds to a greater comprehension and understanding of the grand millennial mission of this The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is a season to be strong. It is a time to move forward without hesitation, knowing well the meaning, the breadth, and the importance of our mission. It is a time to do what is right regardless of the consequences that might follow. It is a time to be found keeping the commandments. It is a season to reach out with kindness and love to those in distress and to those who are wandering in darkness and pain. It is a time to be considerate and good, decent and courteous toward one another in all of our relationships. In other words, to become more Christlike."

As inspirational as this quote is, there was also a scripture associated with this theme. This scripture was Joshua 1:9 which reads:

9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

This time period was the beginning of what I will call "the development of my adult testimony" and I wanted something I could claim as my own motto for my life. I chose this scripture at that time mostly because it sounded good. I mean, having Christ always be with you? That sounded like a good thing. But I also chose it because of the image it gave me.

The image in my mind was of a stronger, more noble me. One where I wasn't afraid of anyone or anything. After being bullied to the point of homeschool only a few years earlier, I wanted to face the rest of my life being able to stand up for myself.

Later on, once I began challenges worst than name calling, did I understand more fully what this scripture actually meant and became thankful that I had committed it to memory.

Yes the part about becoming brave is good, but I learned later on that that strength comes from the second half of the scripture, the part about Christ always being with you. It is about never walking alone and it is about holding onto hope when you feel nothing but despair. It is about believing that Christ won't let the worst tragedy occur - the letting go into despair - because he is with you.

These scriptures are about NOT being afraid. God gives us scriptures about calamities and horrors not to scare us but to warn us so we can prepare ourselves - and most importantly to try and get into our skulls that when these horrible things come our way we don't have to be afraid of them breaking us as long as we have him.

Before I left high school I had all my favorite teachers sign my yearbook. My physics teacher had always been a friend and mentor as well as a teacher to me. Imagine my surprise and delight when at the end of her statement she signed "don't forget Joshua 1:9." I had never talked to her about my special relationship with that scripture and thought it was appropriate as I closed one part of my life to start another.

I feel now much like I did then. Like I've accomplished something by graduating, getting married and moving to another state, but I also feel the same rocking in my daily life as I try and figure out my direction and goals. I'm comforted by this scripture and the other ones for this topic. As I read them, I can feel peace come into my heart just as it is described in John 14:27:

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.