Anguish

When I was little I would break things on accident and more often than not I was afraid of the punishment. Then, while on my time out, I would have a degree of anguish in my heart for the suffering I was being forced to endure. Most people when they read about the agony of Hell assume it is from being punished, but I would suggest another type of agony.

This agony I first experienced when I was older. I was in six grade and was hungry during class, so I pulled out some pretzels to snack on. My teacher caught me and confronted me in the middle of her lesson in front of the whole class. I was on the whole a good kid and I thought very highly of my teacher. The resulting feeling was a terrible agony of letting down my teacher and wishing that I could run from the room. At that moment I couldn't bare to be in her presence even though she had moved on with the lesson. In spite of how highly I felt towards my teacher and how much I wanted to be with her, I could not with the knowledge of letting her down.

I believe this is really what Hell will be like. I do not believe that God will torture us for eternity, but I do believe that when we come to a recognition of our sinful state and how we have "let him down" that we will be tortured inside ourselves.

But I also believe there is hope. My favorite story of hope is the one of Alma the Younger. He was described as the "vilest of sinners" who went about "spiritually murdering" the followers of God with his false preaching. Then an angel of the Lord appeared and chastised him, leaving him unconscious for three days. During those three days, he learned what anguish meant:

8And it came to pass that I was ^athree days and three nights in the most bitter^bpain and ^canguish of soul; and never, until I did cry out unto the Lord Jesus Christ for mercy, did I receive a ^dremission of my sins. But behold, I did cry unto him and I did find peace to my soul.

9And now, my son, I have told you this that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn of me that there is ^ano other way or means whereby man can be saved, only in and through Christ. Behold, he is the life and the ^blight of the world. Behold, he is the word of truth and ^crighteousness.

You can try and ignore or numb guilt, but the only way to permanently remove it is through Christ. From everything that I have experienced, I can promise that it will not be easy, but it will be possible. Most importantly it will be worth it.